Menopause Diaries
6 women share how their relationship with exercise and movement changed during the menopause transition
This is the second of two posts on exercise and menopause. Part one covers advice from experts on how to adjust your exercise program during this phase of life.
My son has to write an essay on the Allegory of the Cave from Plato’s The Republic.
Do you know this story? (I promise this isn’t just a random anecdote.)
Here’s the gist of it: Plato describes people who have spent their whole lives in a cave, facing a blank wall. (They’re chained there and can’t move or turn around.) Behind them is a fire and as people and objects pass in front of the fire, it casts shadows on the wall, which the people see and believe to be real because it’s the only thing they’ve ever known or seen.
Plato then suggests that if one person is freed from the chains, they could turn toward the fire and see that what they previously believed to be real was just shadows. They make their way out of the cave too and see the sun and a whole other existence outside of the cave. At first, it’s painful because their eyes aren’t used to seeing the fire or the sun but once they adjust, they see the world and it opens their mind to new perspectives.
It’s supposed to symbolize the journey of turning toward the light and gaining knowledge. It also points out that our interpretation of the world is very often based on our assumptions and what we “see” in front of us and how that can be different from the truth.
(There’s more to the allegory of the cave but alas, this is not a post about the allegory of the cave.)
As I was talking to my kid about his essay, it reminded me of so many experiences in my life of being told one thing and believing it fervently only to realize that what I thought was the truth was only part of the story.
And I feel like this happens frequently when it comes to women, our bodies, and our health. Because the reality that we’ve been presented with—the science, the research, the symptoms, the treatments, the norm of what’s healthy—hasn’t always included non-male bodies or experiences that aren’t centered on men.
So it’s been interesting (good? about time?) to see the conversation around menopause change over the last few years. The most heartening has been the conversations I’ve seen on social media and in newsletters of people sharing and crowdsourcing their experiences and what’s helped them. (But also, why do we always have to crowdsource our own solutions?)
We haven’t always talked about this phase of life because there’s a lot of shame and stigma associated with it and that’s kept us in the dark about what it is and what to expect. Because the thing about perimenopause is that it’s really hard to pin down exactly when you enter this phase of life. Menopause is technically defined as a full year without menstruating but it’s impossible to know that your last period is your last period until after the fact. Plus, everyone’s experience can be so different. The list of symptoms is so long and overlaps with so many other things.
Maybe it’s perimenopause. Maybe it’s aging. Maybe it’s stress. Maybe it’s all three. Maybe it’s more. It makes this phase of life all the more confusing and destabilizing.
Dr. Carla DiGirolamo told me, “If you’re in your forties and you’re starting to notice a difference in your sleep, you’re starting to feel hot all the time, maybe your moods are changing, maybe your periods are changing, that’s probably perimenopause. Periods are really the defining thing. When periods start to get irregular, that’s a signal. But there are also many women who have stone-cold, regular periods up until the day they stop.”
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
So this thing about sharing stories? It’s kind of powerful and, for me, it has been really validating. Which is why I wanted to share some of the stories from the women I spoke with for The New York Times article but that didn’t make it into the final copy. These are only a handful of the stories I heard and they are edited excerpts. I’m beyond grateful that they were willing to share their stories with me and with you.
What struck me the most was that while there was a range of experiences of perimenopause and menopause, some common themes that emerged:
A sense of disorientation of not feeling like yourself or the self you’ve been living with for the last four-plus decades.
The opportunity to reconnect with yourself and discover new activities.
Learning how to recalibrate your expectations, what brings you joy, and what you want to do.
Unlearning the mantra that more is better, which so many of us have grown up with and led to believe to be a virtue.
A shift in how you think about exercise and movement and toward prioritizing physical resilience.
Choosing patience and grace.
I hope you read these stories. Maybe they’re applicable to you. Maybe they’re not. Maybe it helps expand your perspective a tiny bit.
Audrey, 53, New York
Audrey is post-menopause. She told me that she wasn’t an athletic person until she turned 50. She started powerlifting at age 50 and running at age 51.
“I’m still figuring out what exactly my body can do. I mean, I’m under no illusion that I’m going to set any records in the gym/on the track. But I have absolutely fallen in love with my new old body.”
On choosing to be active
My son died of an overdose during the pandemic and I just needed something that made me feel strong. I started going to a powerlifting class. It’s like the metaphor of, quite literally, moving heavy objects. You squat with a barbell and you have to stand up and it just gave me such confidence. It really helped me feel as though I was powerful in a moment where I think socially, certainly psychologically, I felt so weak, so vulnerable.
That was my gateway to becoming an athlete. I started running when I was 51 and I can’t believe I haven’t been doing this. It feels great. I feel so strong. It’s really reshaped how I think about myself, not just physically, but just as me. I know I’m strong. It’s about strength.
On reclaiming her body
I signed up for a ballet class — I had a super traumatic experience in dance class as a 5 year old. I couldn’t skip. I could only gallop, as I really wanted to be a horse when I grew up. The teacher yelled at me. I never went back. I’m discovering confidence in myself that I didn’t really have before, and it’s definitely because I’m finally comfortable *in my body* even though — let’s be honest here — it’s getting wrinkly and creaky and flabby and whatever.
The things that were so debilitating as a teenager or as a kid, that I was ashamed of, it just doesn’t matter. It matters very little what people think about me. I’m just going to be strong and do the things that are interesting and fun for me.
On aging and making her body resilient
I want to be able to be strong on my feet. I want to be able to sit, you know, sit down and stand up of my own accord. There are really practical things that I want to be able to do. I want to be able to carry the dog food. I want to be able to put the dishes away in the top cabinet. I want to be able to bend down and stand back up while carrying my groceries. I want to continue to be able to live life fully and that requires a body. So a lot of it is really that preventative for the long haul for when our fragility really kicks in in our 60s, 70s and 80s.
Gina, 51, Vermont
Gina says she’s in “what feels like late-stage perimenopause.” She’s been an endurance athlete her whole life and continues to work out regularly.
When we emailed, she just came off what she described as a tough week. “My cycles are getting longer and less predictable and so my ‘PMS’ is extra long, my energy levels crash, and I start to question if I’ve lost my edge. Those days rock me. I feel like I’m not ‘me.’ But when I’m patient, I find my way back to feeling myself.”
On her exercise routine
Strength training used to be an afterthought to my running and cycling. Now, I make sure I lift consistently and with heavy weights to help overcome the impact of my declining estrogen levels.
What's surprised me is how much I enjoy seeing the progress I make with weights — it's very satisfying to deadlift a barbell and work toward a real pull-up! I work with a coach and she has helped me build in more interval and speed work to my running. Those workouts were initially the ones I dreaded, yet I have come to appreciate how strong and powerful I feel after I complete a hard interval set.
On wiling to be curious
Bringing curiosity and a willingness to try new things in this chapter has been a great boost to my mindset. I've trained for and completed a few shorter triathlons and discovered a huge love for long-distance trail running, and in doing so, challenged myself to achieve things I hadn't thought I was capable of.
On rest and recovery
The lesson I keep having to learn over and over again is that more is not always better. I constantly have to remind myself that when I am tired and depleted, I will be better served by taking a very easy recovery or rest day than I will be by grinding out another run or workout. Especially as I navigate the ups and downs of the menopausal shift. I feel like my need for rest is bigger than it used to be, and I'm trying to learn to give myself the grace to enjoy it.
I try to approach life from a place of optimism and curiosity. And I also have days in this time of change when things feel really, really hard.
Rebecca, 53, Seattle
Rebecca came to exercise in her early 40s. She did low-key bootcamps and ran once or twice a week before moving to at home HIIT workouts and strength training.
On her experience with perimenopause
Perimenopause hit me VERY hard about 4-5 years ago, and I really had no idea what was going on. I worked in women’s reproductive healthcare for 20 years (not as a healthcare worker) and I read about women’s reproductive health a lot and still was COMPLETELY unprepared for perimenopause and what was happening with my body and brain.
My biggest symptoms were brain fog, fatigue, irritability, depression, and a massive sense of overwhelm. I didn’t have the traditional symptoms of hot flashes and night sweats, so had no idea I was in ‘menopause’ (since I didn’t even know about perimenopause, and still was getting my period regularly). I honestly thought I was losing my mind until I heard a podcast describing what happens to women’s brains in the menopause shift, and realized that’s what was happening to me.
On exercise during perimenopause
Taking care of my physical health through exercise in perimenopause really has been life changing. I can’t imagine what a mess I’d be without my regular routine. It’s not hardcore, it’s just a home based thing that took like 15 mins of my day, and it’s not like I’m going to run a marathon or do any elite athletic things, but it has made me feel more confident even as my body changes so much in my 50s.
As I was getting deeper into perimenopause and gaining weight, I really was not doing well mentally. I had even started to wonder if I was going to be able to keep working. I felt so overwhelmed, was showing up so negative in my workspaces, and really struggling to operationalize things.
I worried that I wouldn’t be able to do my annual backpacking trip with my sister and a friend. I live for this trip. For 5 blissful days, I just walk, eat, and sleep, completely in line with what my body needs instead of twisted around my work and home responsibilities.
Somehow despite feeling my body and mind aging in the throes of peri, I still magically managed to do the trip. I came back feeling…healed is the only way I can describe it. I swear the combo of exercise and nature healed my brain — and I had my little regular exercise routine to thank for enabling my falling-apart-perimenopausal body to be able to do the trip!
I immediately started taking some medications to address the weight gain and perimenopausal symptoms, and since then I’ve been like a different person — but still with regular exercise as my daily foundation.
Anna, 46, California
Anna’s always been active—surfing, jogging, taking fitness classes. She told me that she’s always felt really comfortable in her body. But then, around 40, things changed.
On the changes she’s noticed
I was used to being able to work out and feel good, and all of a sudden I can’t just go out and knock out five miles after not running for two weeks the way I use to.
Injuries take a lot longer to heal than they used to and that’s really frustrating. Like, oh really? Six months for that bruise to heal? Or that hamstring is still tender two years in? I used to do a little physical therapy and then get better and blow it off and I’d be fine. Now, I notice that my body doesn’t have that kind of resiliency and I have to be more diligent.
How the changes affected her
I felt like I looked kind of like a different person. And the thing is, it wasn't just a vanity thing. I think it was also just a discomfort thing. It’s hard when you just feel like you don't look like you think you do or how you identify.
Disorienting is the word for it. I know people refer to menopause as reverse puberty but I actually don’t even remember puberty being disorienting. I mean, it was but I knew it was coming. My mom sent me to summer camp with a bunch of pads. It was happening to everyone. This feels more like a private new surprise every day. No one’s prepared.
On the changes she’s made
She’s started strength training three times a week, started working with a functional medicine practitioners, and went on the pill, which have all helped.
I think it’s been this combination of doing the most I can to feel strong enough for the activities that I love, which are mostly snowboarding, surfing, and some running. Weight training has built in a routine and discipline. If nothing else, I get those three weekly workouts in.
I am getting stronger and it is changing my body. I feel like I’m doing something that feels good mentally and also feels good physically.
Kara, 49, Maryland
At 43, Kara ran PRs in the 5K, 10K, and half marathon and she felt “at the top of her game.” She stopped getting her menstrual cycle about a year later.
On how perimenopause affected her running
At first, I was like, ‘Okay, no big deal.’ Well, that drop in hormones, estrogen especially, was a big deal. I no longer felt strong and fast paces that once came ‘easy’ were suddenly a struggle. I was dry and a bit stiff in my joints while running.
On how she's changed her exercise routine
My body needed time to adjust and reset. I started focusing on shorter, but faster running workouts and only running double digit long runs once during a seven-day running cycle. Then, I started focusing on more core and strength workouts. I've had to increase my hydration and protein.
Now, at the age of 49 I am running and focusing on strength and weight training, incorporating more hill and treadmill workouts with incline and fast-interval running workouts.
On hormone replacement therapy
When she entered menopause, she started estrogen-only hormone replacement therapy and felt a difference in the first few months. Her easy, aerobic and threshold heart rate wasn’t as elevated and her running pace started to drop again.
She took it for about 2-3 years and is now not taking any hormone replacement therapy.
I still haven’t been able to get back to me pre-menopause PRs, but running and running fast and strong isn’t the struggle it used to be. I can’t seem to build up the stamina for faster paces I had before menopause for distances over 3 miles.
Erica, 46, North Carolina
On hormones and running
I actually think that things started changing longer ago than I realized. I just remember being like, something's different about my running, something's different about my body. What's going on.
About a year and a half ago, my running went downhill in such a big way. In the middle of some short runs, about a mile in, I would have to sit down and cry. I just couldn't run anymore. I can't even explain it. Emotionally, running made me feel depressed from a chemical standpoint and I was exhausted all the time. It just sucked.
Before the running changes happened, other mental health changes happened. I was having these depressive outbursts and my husband started tracking them and we realized it was hormonal.
On the changes she made
Once I started realizing it was an actual chemical imbalance happening while I was running, I was able to put into action. I knew at that point it wasn't me being out of shape.
Instead of trying to maintain the cardio fitness I was once able to maintain, I stopped running as much. I ran shorter and run by feel. I stopped wearing a watch. Sometimes I would walk. I started just taking everything much easier and I started taking progesterone. I started feeling better.
On comparison
It's so easy to be online and see all these people that are just like, killing it, you know? But now I give myself a lot more grace. Maybe when you hit perimenopause or that point in your life when you’re just like I can’t do that kind of shit anymore. I don’t want to put myself there anymore.
It's much easier at me, for me at this point in my life, to stop looking at what everyone else is doing and stop wondering how come they can do this and I can’t. Instead, I just want to be happy and healthy again so I'm going to go for an hour walk this morning at whatever piece I feel like instead of getting in a six mile run or whatever.
On strength training
Why didn't anyone tell us when you're younger how important that is? Like, why? Like, I would have loved to have learned how to strength train and how to create muscle because I'm having a hard time putting it on now.
I can't say how often I do it because I do a little bit at a time. I'll be in my office and I’ll pick up five pound weights and do a few reps of something. An hour later, I'll do the same thing. While I brush my teeth, I do squats.
I started walking more. Running less. Swimming a lot more. I can tell that the strength training is working because swimming is much easier for me physically. My arms aren't getting as tired as they used to.
What about you? What has your experience been like? What questions do you have? I’d love to hear about it (and I’m sure others would too) if you’re open to sharing in the comments.
Thanks for being here and reading these stories. More soon.
Christine
Thank you for another great post on this subject. Have shared with our readers - so many are curious about this chapter and you give great insight from real people. Thank you!
I love these stories Christine. We have to keep sharing, so thank you for this work.