Writing a Shitty First Draft
{I miss traveling.}
It’s advice that I hear over and over again—just write a shitty first draft. Get the words down and then you can go back and fix it. Tweak it. Rearrange it. Make it better. Make it shine.
But what if you can’t do that?
The idea of writing a shitty first draft has always made me squirm, like that rough, itchy tag in the back of your shirt (back when all the tags and clothing labels weren’t pressed onto the clothing itself) that makes you twitch until you finally have had enough, grab a pair of scissors, and twist awkwardly to cut the damn thing out.
It’s not that I think I’m above writing a shitty first draft. I wish I could because then maybe I could get on with this whole thing a lot faster and with less pain. It’s more that my brain won’t let me. I keep running over sentences again and again until I’ve smoothed down the edges, until the words and cadence of the lines settle down and are less likely to trip you the next time you pass over them.
I can’t figure out if my inability to write a shitty first draft is a stalling tactic. Because if I am being honest, there’s probably a big part of me that’s afraid that I don’t really have much to say, that my writing sucks, and that I won’t be able to do justice to this book project and all that I hope it to be.
So I take F O R E V E R to lay down a few hundred words and try to make them just right. I attempt to research and report as much as I can, follow every possible thread to its mangy, frayed end. Because if I just read a few more journal papers or interview a few more people, I will have a better grasp on the subject matter. Because if I just have all the material I need in front of me, I’ll be able to write a better book. And when I can’t face the blinking cursor, when the words don’t flow, I distract myself with social media or checking my inbox again, as if the answer will miraculously appear there. Because otherwise, I would just have to face the fact that I just have to write the shitty first draft.
The past few months have been an exercise in learning how to let go of my fear (and control tbh) enough to let that first draft start to form on the page. it’s starting to work. I’m not saying that it doesn’t take a whole love of mental tricks to keep my butt in the chair and write. (Blocking social media on my computer and literally throwing my phone across the room helps).
Right before Thanksgiving, I emailed my editor drafts of the first four chapters of the book. Well, technically what I envision as chapters two through five. 28,225 words. Almost a third of the book.
It feels good to have something solid and tangible on the page. I’ve read countless articles and scientific papers, listened to podcasts, watched videos, read books, and interviewed 46 people since September. Not going to lie. The thought of doing this three more times is a little scary.
I haven’t opened up my book document in a week. Instead, I’ve cleaned out my inbox and worked through the overflowing tabs in my browser. It felt like a necessary part of the process to clean the slate before tackling the next shitty first draft.
Before signing off, I wanted to share a couple of interesting reads:
The Weird History of the Sex Chromosomes: My research led me down this big rabbit hole on sex chromosomes. While we often think of the X and Y chromosomes as THE chromosomes that determine sex, they aren’t solely responsible for sex. In fact, scientists originally didn’t want to call them sex chromosomes at all. it was supposed to be short-hand but the name took on more meaning than they originally intended.
DNF podcast with Ben Gibbard: Zoe Rom talks to the frontman for Death Cab for Cutie about trail running, the creative process and the Japanese art of kintsugi. This is one of the best podcast episodes I’ve listened to in a while.
Kim Ng hired as general manager of the Marlins: I was surprised by how moved I was by this announcement. I love baseball but it was always assumed I didn’t know anything about sports, especially baseball, because 1) I am a woman and 2) I’m Asian so seeing Kim finally (finally!!) get her shot is such great news.
Not an article but if you’re looking to gift any books for the holiday, Alison Wade from the Fast Women newsletter has curated a list of women’s running books.
Lastly, a couple of recent bylines: Profile on pro surfer Kai Lenny, what life under quarantine has been like and how he’s been able to keep innovating this year. Profile on Alison Mariella Desir, one of this year’s Outsiders of the Year named by Outside Magazine. The surprising upside of training in 2020.
Thank you for reading.
Christine
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www.christinemyu.com
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