I agree with comment below… more opportunities for rec sports (one season long and inexpensive) A young person will have the opportunity to play multiple sports throughout the year.
Our local middle schools have an amazing program for 6 week long opportunities to practice and compete against other middle schools. The issue is too many of the students are playing the “travel, select, club” sports and are too busy to try other sports. A question is how do we decrease the preference/desire for these “travel/select/sports” when so many factors are luring in coaches and parents: tournament/coaching companies drive to make money, college play, societal value of sport, etc. Will increasing opportunity for rec sport squelch these driving factors? I think we need to look at the need to decrease driving factors of the “travel/ select sports”. I wish the “travel/select sports” had the value to create inexpensive multi sport opportunities, not easy in todays money driven world preying on our insecurities and current proclivities.
It feels like a Catch-22. On the one hand, I hear from a lot of parents that they don't necessary like the current system and how they want something different. But on the other hand, you feel like your hands are tied because if you do want your kids to play at any level, opting into the travel/club/select system feels like the only way to go about it otherwise your kid is "behind" or you're not giving your kid the best shot at "achieving their potential." I'm not sure increasing rec sports opportunities will change the system (even though I wholeheartedly believe there should be more rec sport opportunities) because there will always be the perceived allure of doing the more competitive track whether because of the status of it or because of our desire as parents to want to give our kids a leg up? I'm not sure. There's so much to disentangle.
I wish we could “tone down” the competitive track….seems like we are “amping it up.”
So so much to disentangle…effect on athlete physical and mental health, money driving forces, NIL, societal value, parental roles, gender equity. Overwhelming when I personally just want my kid to discover the way they enjoy moving their body. And be curious about movement as they change throughout their life!
I absolutely love and appreciate your writing!thanks
My daughter is four years old and I'm already struck by how her soccer coaches push performance over fun. There's this "toughen up" performance-based mentality that feels inappropriate for kids generally, and especially for such young ones. I'd love to see a more intentional focus on how sports can help kids improve their emotion regulation, problem solving and communication skills (team sports are such a great opportunity for this!)
It really does make me sad that there's an emphasis on performance, even at such a young age. It really misses such a huge opportunity for sports to be a tool for development, like you said.
Oh, the reminder of the woman sports coach I had in junior high school who when we confided in that we were having menstrual symptoms made us RUN MORE (and this was not track or cross country). Not only penalizing us by removing us from playing our sport - but using running as a punishment. It was so awful.
I want to like this comment to thank you for sharing this but I don't like that you had this experience. Ugh. I'm so sorry. I also hate that coaches and PE teachers use running as punishment or, frankly, any exercise as punishment because it has such a big impact on our relationship to movement and our bodies.
Thanks for this - sent it to my daughter's coaches!
I agree with the comments above about increasing rec sports opportunities and somehow delaying involvement with travel/select teams until a certain age (a pipedream, I realize). We did not allow our kids to participate in travel/select teams until sixth grade, but they were (and are!) still behind their age group despite talent and athleticism. They want to keep playing, so I guess we are a small experiment to see if talent outlasts earlier development and/or if those other kids just wind up burning out because it's likely that they started travel/select teams earlier perhaps because of parental ego but that is another topic entirely.
I also think us parents that do participate in these travel/select teams (but also volunteer coaches on rec teams) need to start demanding A LOT more emotional intelligence and pyschological development training from these paid coaches. I have yet to experience a paid coach for my kids that I don't have to spend a lot of time after practice and games undoing a ton of what they say to their teams that completely fly in the face of what I consider pretty basic emotional intelligence and understanding of child development. Shaming from the sidelines, yelling at kids not to cry about it, having outsized expectations for their age/development. But then I try to rally some parents together, and I get most of them telling me that I'm a snowflake and/or looking at me blankly. It is maddening, and I really just want to quit except that both of my kids are good athletes and love their sports.
Oh I feel this so much!! Wanting to quit but also having kids who love sports—and I love that they love sports and I want them to have that experience because I have good memories of playing sports as a kid. But it's changed so much.
We held out on travel teams for my older son but let my younger son play in 7th/8th grade and we were definitely "late". It only lasted a season or two because we just didn't get it? I absolutely agree on the need for more training for coaches on emotional intelligence and what's age appropriate. These kids are kids, not little adults.
Thank you for sharing this with your daughter's coaches.
I would love to see more regulations for youth sports. There are so many kids I know who play on multiple club sports teams at the same. No one is checking to make sure that their bodies have time to rest, heal, and grow. There is no incentive to put limits on playing time because there is so much money on the table.
I have also noticed that club sports have cannibalized low-stakes rec department sports. Learning a new skill or delaying specialization is a challenge when too few people sign up for non-competitive leagues. This also takes opportunity away from those that can't afford club sports. In my town there weren't enough girls for the eighth grade rec basketball division, so the same eight girls played 4-on-4 all season. Everyone else was either on a travel team or decided it was too late to start at the advanced age of 13!
I have so many feelings about the current youth sports system! I wholeheartedly agree with your observation about what club and travel teams have done to rec department sports. We've seen in play out in our neighborhood and I've heard this from so many parents too. Even when my son started playing rec baseball at 8 or 9, it was considered old! It makes me sad that kids can't walk on to their high school teams now and that many high schools barefly field JV teams (at least here in NYC public schools). Access to these opportunities shouldn't be all or nothing or a pay-to-play situation.
I agree with comment below… more opportunities for rec sports (one season long and inexpensive) A young person will have the opportunity to play multiple sports throughout the year.
Our local middle schools have an amazing program for 6 week long opportunities to practice and compete against other middle schools. The issue is too many of the students are playing the “travel, select, club” sports and are too busy to try other sports. A question is how do we decrease the preference/desire for these “travel/select/sports” when so many factors are luring in coaches and parents: tournament/coaching companies drive to make money, college play, societal value of sport, etc. Will increasing opportunity for rec sport squelch these driving factors? I think we need to look at the need to decrease driving factors of the “travel/ select sports”. I wish the “travel/select sports” had the value to create inexpensive multi sport opportunities, not easy in todays money driven world preying on our insecurities and current proclivities.
It feels like a Catch-22. On the one hand, I hear from a lot of parents that they don't necessary like the current system and how they want something different. But on the other hand, you feel like your hands are tied because if you do want your kids to play at any level, opting into the travel/club/select system feels like the only way to go about it otherwise your kid is "behind" or you're not giving your kid the best shot at "achieving their potential." I'm not sure increasing rec sports opportunities will change the system (even though I wholeheartedly believe there should be more rec sport opportunities) because there will always be the perceived allure of doing the more competitive track whether because of the status of it or because of our desire as parents to want to give our kids a leg up? I'm not sure. There's so much to disentangle.
I wish we could “tone down” the competitive track….seems like we are “amping it up.”
So so much to disentangle…effect on athlete physical and mental health, money driving forces, NIL, societal value, parental roles, gender equity. Overwhelming when I personally just want my kid to discover the way they enjoy moving their body. And be curious about movement as they change throughout their life!
I absolutely love and appreciate your writing!thanks
My daughter is four years old and I'm already struck by how her soccer coaches push performance over fun. There's this "toughen up" performance-based mentality that feels inappropriate for kids generally, and especially for such young ones. I'd love to see a more intentional focus on how sports can help kids improve their emotion regulation, problem solving and communication skills (team sports are such a great opportunity for this!)
It really does make me sad that there's an emphasis on performance, even at such a young age. It really misses such a huge opportunity for sports to be a tool for development, like you said.
Oh, the reminder of the woman sports coach I had in junior high school who when we confided in that we were having menstrual symptoms made us RUN MORE (and this was not track or cross country). Not only penalizing us by removing us from playing our sport - but using running as a punishment. It was so awful.
I want to like this comment to thank you for sharing this but I don't like that you had this experience. Ugh. I'm so sorry. I also hate that coaches and PE teachers use running as punishment or, frankly, any exercise as punishment because it has such a big impact on our relationship to movement and our bodies.
Thanks for this - sent it to my daughter's coaches!
I agree with the comments above about increasing rec sports opportunities and somehow delaying involvement with travel/select teams until a certain age (a pipedream, I realize). We did not allow our kids to participate in travel/select teams until sixth grade, but they were (and are!) still behind their age group despite talent and athleticism. They want to keep playing, so I guess we are a small experiment to see if talent outlasts earlier development and/or if those other kids just wind up burning out because it's likely that they started travel/select teams earlier perhaps because of parental ego but that is another topic entirely.
I also think us parents that do participate in these travel/select teams (but also volunteer coaches on rec teams) need to start demanding A LOT more emotional intelligence and pyschological development training from these paid coaches. I have yet to experience a paid coach for my kids that I don't have to spend a lot of time after practice and games undoing a ton of what they say to their teams that completely fly in the face of what I consider pretty basic emotional intelligence and understanding of child development. Shaming from the sidelines, yelling at kids not to cry about it, having outsized expectations for their age/development. But then I try to rally some parents together, and I get most of them telling me that I'm a snowflake and/or looking at me blankly. It is maddening, and I really just want to quit except that both of my kids are good athletes and love their sports.
Oh I feel this so much!! Wanting to quit but also having kids who love sports—and I love that they love sports and I want them to have that experience because I have good memories of playing sports as a kid. But it's changed so much.
We held out on travel teams for my older son but let my younger son play in 7th/8th grade and we were definitely "late". It only lasted a season or two because we just didn't get it? I absolutely agree on the need for more training for coaches on emotional intelligence and what's age appropriate. These kids are kids, not little adults.
Thank you for sharing this with your daughter's coaches.
Agree Kim!!!!
“We have to stop using men’s sports as the benchmark we’re trying to measure up against.” OMG. Yes!! And that article from The Cut? 😳😳😳😳😳😳
Stil thinking about that Cut article!
I would love to see more regulations for youth sports. There are so many kids I know who play on multiple club sports teams at the same. No one is checking to make sure that their bodies have time to rest, heal, and grow. There is no incentive to put limits on playing time because there is so much money on the table.
I have also noticed that club sports have cannibalized low-stakes rec department sports. Learning a new skill or delaying specialization is a challenge when too few people sign up for non-competitive leagues. This also takes opportunity away from those that can't afford club sports. In my town there weren't enough girls for the eighth grade rec basketball division, so the same eight girls played 4-on-4 all season. Everyone else was either on a travel team or decided it was too late to start at the advanced age of 13!
I have so many feelings about the current youth sports system! I wholeheartedly agree with your observation about what club and travel teams have done to rec department sports. We've seen in play out in our neighborhood and I've heard this from so many parents too. Even when my son started playing rec baseball at 8 or 9, it was considered old! It makes me sad that kids can't walk on to their high school teams now and that many high schools barefly field JV teams (at least here in NYC public schools). Access to these opportunities shouldn't be all or nothing or a pay-to-play situation.